just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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