i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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