3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
