Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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