He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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