grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
