this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
