you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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