whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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