Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
