When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
