She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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