I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
