I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
