Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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