i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
So much rum. So many feels.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
