I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
