Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Blood and glitter go together right?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
