im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
