dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
