You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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