I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
