Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
