Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
So squirting runs in the family.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize