I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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