I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
