i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
