When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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