So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
