i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
