yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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