i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
