he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I touched a dick in church today
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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