We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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