Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
