Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
