Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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