I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Randomize
