The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
