yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Randomize
