Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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