I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
