At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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