I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Your cock deserves a montage
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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