Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
