just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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