Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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