just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize