Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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