After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
