So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
