Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
