My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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