one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She told me I should be a condom model.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
