i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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