hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
