I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
