No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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