we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
