just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
