Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
