The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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