I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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