I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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