This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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