I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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